So here's whats up with me:
I found something really interesting when grabbing the links to make this post. I didn't realize it's been almost a year since I sought help for my depression. I re-read this post about my initial feelings of reaching out to someone.
I can say this... I am proud of myself. Reading what I wrote brought me back to the day I finally talked to my doctor about it... it took me months to gather the courage to get to that point. I can say this also... I'm so glad I did. Do I still struggle with depression? Absolutely. Is it any better? Yes. It is much better. I still have bad days, sad thoughts (that come out of nowhere and have no connection), anxiety struggles, moments when I went to climb into a shell and hibernate, freak outs, overwhelmed feelings... but it is better. so. much. better.
I've been seeing a therapist every couple of weeks for a year now (and being 100% open and honest about my life). and it's helping. I've been doing the things she is telling me to do to cope and thrive. and it's helping. I am forcing myself to show up for things and live in the moment. and it's working. I'm taking the medication that my doctor and I agreed on consistently. and that's working too.
Now instead of 6 horrible, dark days, and one decent one.. I have 6 good, solid days, and maybe one meh. When that happens I allow myself time to muddle through, regroup, and know that tomorrow will be better. Big picture wise I'm doing so much better than I was a year ago... and I am proud.
So that's it, right? Pretty soon I'll be cured! nope. I know it doesn't work like that. I know I have a long road ahead of me. (but remind myself how far I've come!) So what now? I will continue therapy. I will continue to take medication that is working for me and not dulling me. I will treat my body better so that I can reach my full potential to thrive. (more on this later.) I will be myself again... or maybe even a better version of me (after all this work!). Elizabeth 2.0 Just think where I could be a year from now. (and what hair color I might have!)