In the grand scheme of things I lost track of sharing my me series pages from the past two months. So I thought I'd share them today. I don't know if I'll get a chance to do the September one since the move is 8 days away (AH! EIGHT DAYZZ!).
For these pages I keep it really true to how I'm feeling on the day I make each layout. So at this time I was feeling really raw and ready to share what's been going on. That's the whole point of the me series… it's not always pretty or happy go lucky.. it's just a little snapshot into my life at the moment.
If you want to read a little more about why I'm doing this series or see my other pages here are the links: JAN//FEB//MARCH//APRIL//MAY//JUNE
A little update with me:
Last week I saw my general practitioner to talk to him about my depression. I'm not gonna lie. it. was. tough. He asked me a lot of in depth questions about exactly what it is I'm experiencing, how long it's been going on, and how I would like to approach getting back to normal. I'll admit I had been dreading the visit with him… it's a really intimidating and embarrassing thing to talk about (I want to be really clear here… I don't think anyone who has depression should be embarrassed.. I'm just saying that for whatever reason I was.. shoot, probably part of the depression, right?)
The thing that was most difficult about approaching a doctor was the inevitable opening of the emotional floodgates.. just owning it like that… and when you seek out a professional for help like I did you are in a position where you have to talk about it honestly and openly. That felt odd to me because I've spent a lot of time trying to push it aside and telling myself that it would go away or I would snap out of it or everything's fine.. and then there I was, admitting that that's just not the case…asking for help to feel like myself again.
In the end it turned out to be a really great thing that he was the one I talked to. He just "got it." He said so many perfect things to me… including "it's NOT your fault…." several times. He said that I didn't choose to be depressed and that I also can't just choose to stop being that way. He told me he sees me for what I am… "a brave, strong woman who can no longer carry the burden of dealing with this incredible sadness while muddling through the day to day tasks required of a Mom and wife."
He told me a lot of good information about depression.. how it's that feeling of merely existing instead of fully living… going through the motions.. not enjoying things in life anymore that I typically would before.. short temper… impatience.. less self control… losing any sense of hope. He explained what I've been feeling to a tee.
He also gave me some great advice on how to choose a therapist. It's important that I find someone who will help steer me in the right direction and help me see things in ways I may not have seen them before.. not just someone who will listen and pat me on the back. I need someone who can help me deal with the emotional baggage so that I can move towards happiness again. Saturday I saw a therapist for the first time and although it was uncomfortable it was sort of fine too. I think it will be a good thing down the road and I intend to stick with it.
In the mean time I'm preparing for this upcoming move, roller derby started back up again, and the kids are in full swing at school. So I'm busy, busy, busy. Just wanted to let you all know that although I'm in the thick of it now I am making real steps towards getting out. I feel good about facing my problem head on and working on a solution. So that's me, right now. Thanks for stopping by. :)