Sunday, March 23, 2014

This Is How I Roll: Derby Comeback Edition

Can you call it a comeback if you're really just coming-back after a minor (what is considered fairly minor for a knee injury, meaning no surgery, but feels very major to me) injury? I guess maybe it's not technically, but with another 6 weeks of rehab, building up endurance and strength, and having to pass a skills test in order to play full contact roller derby again… it feels like one. 

I posted this photo on Insagram last week after skating for the first time since I tore my MCL. I was feeling very sorry for myself at the time (I still kinda do. Pity party for one, please.). I hate this part of recovery. I suck at it. The mental part kills me. That point when you are healthy enough to put on skates, but your body just simply can't do what you want it to. The part where you are really unsure of the fine line between temporary limitations and pushing it too hard. The point where you wonder if it will ever really feel 100% again.. and when? why not now?! 

It's very frustrating to be in this position where I have to fight for just about every moment in a workout… when nothing comes easily… basic skills take my every effort and concentration. In the back of my mind I'm wishing I could just relax and let things take their course, be patient, confident that I will recover flawlessly and be just as bad @$$ as I've always been…. (that might be an overstatement.) I'm someone who goes balls to the wall in whatever I do. I don't have an in between mode, a cruise control, an ease in, a mosey… which is really challenging in a situation like this, when I'm supposed to be taking it easy!

Mostly, I just want to feel like this again….

Just the act of putting on skates and being present isn't enough for me anymore. I want to dominate…. and hopefully I will in about 6 more weeks! 

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