It recently came to my attention that I have almost no photos of my pregnancies. What is with THAT?! Well, I can tell you, I know exactly what happened. I felt fat. Or big. Or swollen. Or insert self deprecation here. I have body image issues and when you add pregnancy weight gain and a big belly and swelling (and a big face...which is where I gain it the fastest...not cool dude, not cool.) you get self consciousness and camera avoidance.
I started out this pregnancy with the declaration that I would take a photo of myself every week for the entire time. Then something happened.... I saw the photos. They were from the 9 week mark, I hadn't even gained any weight or really started showed much by this point....but I cried. I cried because I thought I looked gross. I was embarrassed. I was crushed. I decided that I didn't really need to document this pregnancy if it meant being bummed out about what I saw. Between the 10 week and 20 week mark I think I took 3 photos. Sad. Why am I letting my insecurity get in the way of capturing a part of my life that I can never replicate? Never get back? A part that is SO important to me?
Then something happened. At almost thirty I would like to think that I have grown out of the whole... "I wanna be like HER" thing. Not so much. In this case I think it's a really great thing because it snapped things back into perspective. I saw this blog called Katie's Pencil Box (please click the link and see what I am talking about) and I was immediately inspired. Inspired to be the cutest and most photogenic pregnant person I could be! Look at her! She is so stinking adorable! It's sick, really, how beautifully pregnant she is. Even though deep down I know I can never be quite that cute or stylish it inspires me to do what I can with what I have. Embrace the bump, no matter how I feel about myself. I refuse to end another pregnancy only to look back a year later and realize that there are no photos of it. REFUSE!
So I am making a vow now on this here blog that I am going to embrace the bump. I am so happy to be pregnant. I am happy to be expecting a little guy. (& freaking out a little) But more than anything I really want to be able to look back and remember this time. And see myself pregnant.... even if I do get ridiculously huge. I really think I am the only one that cares anyway.
So sorry in advance if I post waaaay too many photos of myself during the second half of this journey.... or if I use every post as an opportunity to update you on my thoughts/feelings of expecting our fourth. I gotta do what I gotta do. And with that said here I am.... embracing.... (don't judge.) :)