Sometimes parenting can be tough. (hahahaha. sometimes. that is hilarious.) I think as scrapbookers and bloggers we inadvertantly make it look like we have it all together, all the time.... we are in the business of preserving memories, and who wants to remember the bad times? But that doesn't mean they don't happen. While I'm sure you wouldn't want to read about my problems every single time you visit the blog you can still appreciate that every once in awhile I genuinely can't cut it in the parenting department.... it's real life, and I am sure it happens to everyone. (If you disagree, then you are totally full of it!)
Last night the wheels came off.
All the stars aligned... but in the worst possible way.
It's amazing how as a parent your evening can unravel at the drop of a hat. One minute I was giving myself a mental pat on the back for how well I was doing with the dinner routine and four kids all on my own... an hour later I was coming unglued... shouting and losing my mind.
I felt like a failure, the worst parent ever. Why couldn't I be more calm while trying to coax Evareaux out of the bath and into bed so that I could feed her baby brother? Why did I have to be so hard on Nakiah? After all, it wasn't his fault he had so much homework. Why did I lose my temper after I had such a great day with the kids?
I don't have the answers. I can't take the yelling back. If I could do it over again I would. I would take a deep breath, I would let things go, I would speak calmly and patiently and just do my best to get through the night.... but I can't do any of that now.
What I can do is forgive myself for losing my patience and understand that I am only human... only a Mom.... Make sure that I show my kids that I love them with my actions and words, especially over the next few days... try to be less emotional and more calm in the future. I am a work in progress. This parenting four kids thing is still new. We are learning how to co-exist.... and I am trying to be the glue that holds it all together..... (sometimes I feel like someone left the cap off and I'm all dried up and ineffective..... or maybe someone squeezed it too hard and now it's dripping in gobs down the side of the bottle and no one wants to clean it up cuz it it's too sticky and gross. Maybe we should just throw this glue away?)---- I digress.