hold on to your britches

Holy crap it's the 30th of June! How did that happen? Time is seriously slipping through my fingers. As a stay at home mom I feel like the days are endless, yet somehow months go by in a flash. Every time I sit down to blog I get interrupted (rotten kids) or distracted (ooo! new watercolors!).. or start writing and then stop because it's not really what I want to be writing... and somehow that feels less honest or real.. and I want to start being raw and real on here... because I feel like not many people are, especially in the Mommy or scrapbooking industry that I love so much... So here I am, giving myself permission to do me, as the teens say...

What I really want to be writing is that it's summer and that means the kids own my life. I am their maid, personal chef, chauffeur, therapist, babysitter, friend, warden, and personal butt wiper (well not Nakiah, he's 13. but he does ask me at least 20x a day if he can have chips.)(edited: he LITERALLY asked me for hot Cheetos while I was composing this post) Between them and the dog and my roller derby I feel stretched in all possible ways.... committed to many, successful to none.

But it's the dawn of a new era...

I'm cutting myself a break. I'm doing the best I can and calling it good. Praising myself for what I've accomplished (wow, look at you with the laundry all done in a single day. you're pretty much killing it!), putting the slacking out of my mind *mostly (I haven't put away clean laundry in like 3 weeks and I don't really care.)...

I'm allowing myself some rest and an ice cold beer-ita from time to time. I'm telling myself it's ok to make frozen dinners and spend too much time in my office doing my own thing. It's ok to just blow bubbles for an hour even though the garage is super messy and the neighbors are totally probably judging me. It's ok to say no when Ev demands relentlessly to go to the pool.. or tell the neighborhood kids, sorry, you can't come over today. I'm reminding myself that I don't have to be so incredibly intense about things all the time...

In the past I've fancied myself a fairly go with the flow kind of gal.  As I'm navigating my therapy and managing depression I realize, that's not really the case... the up side is I'm seeing ways I can ease up and embrace the idea of that more fluid and relaxed lifestyle. All the while figuring out how to maintain the aspects that have made me successful at life-ing in the past. (hey, intense focus has its up sides too you know.)

So, why do you care? Maybe you don't! That's ok! But I wanted to let you know how this new outlook and mindset might translate to this silly lil blog...

I feel like there are people out there that could do with hearing some: real talk about stay at home mom-ing, or parenting in general.. realness about being an artist trying to make money off of random crafts... frank and first hand accounts on dealing with depression and running a household... expressed frustration over the part of life where if you seem like you even remotely have your act together people will pile on the work load because you can "handle it."

Don't worry. I have no intentions of turning this into a place where all I do is whine and complain about my first world problems and how "horrible" my life is. (It's totes not horrible, it only sucks like 85% 75% 62% some of the time.)  I just want to keep it real.. good, bad, ugly. That's what I'm putting out there from now on... with some cool projects that I'm probably kinda proud of sprinkled in... just some scraps of my life that I feel like sharing. After all, this is My Scrappy Life. (see what I did there?)

PS-- I just had a birthday. Can you tell? I always get a little extra introspective around that time. You're welcome. (and also, I'm sorry?) ;)