Monday, October 21, 2013

Keeping it Real

This whole holding down the fort thing is harder than I expected.. which is quite a statement considering that I expected it to be a total nightmare.

I'm having a really hard time keeping it together.

I cry multiple times a day. I lose my temper. I get really overwhelmed (even more than usual). I don't really want to get dressed or put makeup on. I can't seem to fit a shower in before 11pm.

The days fly by but stand still all at the same time.

If you follow this blog you know that I don't like to be a big Debbie Downer.. at least not on here. This is where I post about the stuff I make and little things that are fun to share about my life... not where I vent until my fingers fall off..... I don't want to bum anyone out. But this is real life.... and I'm giving new meaning to scrapping through it.

Right now I'm on day 7 of Hottie's 8 days in a row working out of town. Even though he's coming home tomorrow (finally. hallelujah. thank you baby jesus, and all that.) I can't seem to snap out of my funk. Maybe it's because I know he has to just turn right around and leave for another 7... and I'm still waiting for our house to sell, so I don't know how long this will go on for.

This week was out of control. It was more than I can handle. I need some things to change so that I can continue to do this for our family. I tried my hardest to be patient and loving with the kids. I gave my all in keeping the house as clean as possible (and then there were no showings. grrrrrrr.) I tried to reach out  when I felt I had no one to talk to, was at the end of my rope. But the truth is it wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm floating on an island.... (oh man. floating on an island alone sounds kind of amazing... I meant that in a totally negative, lonely & desperate kinda way.)

Looking after 4 kids, puppy training, selling a house, worrying about what's next, trying to take care of myself... it's too much. Were there ok moments? Times when I felt like, hey this isn't so bad, I might be able to handle this for a bit.... sure. But then something random would happen and the day would crumble into teeny tiny pieces. I described it yesterday to my older boys, telling them to envision we are a family of dominoes.. if one falls out of line it's going to knock all of us down. Somethings gotta give.

I try to remember this is only temporary. I picture what it will look like once we are settled in OH, together. I remind myself over and over that there are people that have it SO much worse than us. SO much worse. I try to take it one day at a time, not put too much pressure myself. I try to tell myself that I am strong and determined and that I can get through anything. I try. I'm trying. I guess that's the best I can do.

So that's it. Sorry it's such a bummer of a post. I'm just keeping it real. This is whats going on in my life right now. I promise to keep it to fun scrappy stuff and happier family times in the future (mostly)... because I'm pretty sure you don't read blogs to be brought on down to Bummertown. Thanks for listening reading.


  1. It's your blog & you can post whatever you want! Sometimes letting it all out is the only way to stay sane. You have a lot on your plate so don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck with it all & enjoy having your husband back.

  2. I suggest you dwell on other things like how wonderful it is that your hubbie has a good job, your family has its health, God has provided for you in immeasurable ways, and this is a very short term situation in the real scope of things. I have MS and whenever I'm feeling the woe is me bug I stop and instead count my many, many blessings.

  3. Love your honesty. Makes you seem more real :) Sorry that your hubby has to be gone so much, I know when Chris is gone life is sooooo much harder! There's a reason we have moms AND dads!

  4. Hang in there! I've been there, many years ago, back when my kids were 15, 13, 5 and 3. When school let out for the summer we moved in with mil (where hubby who had landed the job "back home" was living) and we let the house out of town sell on its own. WAS hard keeping it ready to show and LIVE in it, while handling all the day to day stuff on my own! I don't know how single moms do it.

  5. Unfortunately it's called life. Reality is always grimmer than fairy tales. My life has been truly crappy, but I try to think positively of the good things: my partner, my cat, blah blah blah. If that doesn't work, I turn to comedy. Watching something funny, or reading something funny always lightens my mood. Of course it doesn't work for all, but it's just a case of finding what will help for you. Don't give up, take deep calming breaths and tell yourself you are a survivor. Things will get better as you get older because you get stronger with each year and each stress. If your ancestors hadn't been strong, and life was worse for our ancestors than us, you wouldn't be here now, so just tell yourself you are here for a reason and you can get through anything...